Painful Memories
by NorthernMage
Summary: Katniss and Peeta have never told either of their children about their specific role in the downfall of the Hunger Games. However, one day their daughter finds out something she would have liked to know earlier, and questions her parents. Oneshot.


**Hi, NorthernMage here! I've been wondering about writing this fanfic since I finished Mockingjay, and finally, I've done it. I tried to keep the flashbacks as close to the story as possible, so they've ended up basically slightly reworded versions of the scenes from the book.**

**Katniss: NorthernMage doesn't own The Hunger Games.**

_General POV_

'Over twenty years ago, there was an event named the Hunger Games.' The teacher wrote the words on the board. 'Now, what does everyone know about this?' It was the beginning of the second term for the room full of Year 8 students. One put their hand up.

'Marion?'

'They were stopped by survivors of an old rebellion by District 13, and the Mockingjay, along with some of the victors of the Games. It was called the Mockingjay Revolution.' The teacher nodded.

'The Hunger Games were a televised fight to the death involving only children. The aim was to be the last person alive. This meant that the participants, or tributes as they were called, had to kill each other.' As they took notes, one last question was asked by a student.

'Who was the Mockingjay?' The teacher blinked before answering.

'The Mockingjay was Katniss Everdeen.' A dark haired girl stared at her teacher. Her mother had been the Mockingjay?

'My mother?' she asked suddenly. Everyone in the class stared at her. 'You should really ask your parents about this-' the teacher began. The girl stood, threw her books into her bag, and slung it over her shoulder.

'Oh, I plan to.' she told her teacher, walking out of the classroom.

Rue Everdeen walked into her house, and through it to her parents room. Inside, her mother and father were talking softly, and a book was laid on the bed.

'Remember how he gave me a sugar cube when we first met?' her mother asked.

'Oh, I remember. He was barely dressed. He was wearing a net that covered _nothing_.' Rue dropped her bag, and Katniss and Peeta turned to see their daughter with her arms crossed.

'What's wrong?' Katniss asked.

'Why didn't you ever tell me _you_ were the Mockingjay during the rebellion?' Rue demanded.

'Rue...' Peeta said slowly. 'What happened?'

'Well, we're learning about the Hunger Games in class this term, and now I know you were part of the rebellion.' Rue glared at her parents. Katniss and Peeta exchanged uncomfortable glances.

'Rue, we didn't tell you because of what the Hunger Games _were_.'

'Well, I know what they are. Kids go into an arena and kill each other.'

'Your namesake was one of those kids.' Katniss said softly. Rue's eyes widened.

'A girl called Rue went into the arena?' Her mother nodded, her eyes lowering.

'Rue was a tribute from District 11. She allied with me during the Games, and we ended up destroying another group's food supply. When I couldn't find her after the attack, I went looking for her, and she had been stabbed in the stomach with a spear. I...I killed her murderer, and at her request, sang to her until she died.' Stunned, Rue asked one more question.

'My brother Haymitch...is he named after someone?' Her parents smiled.

'Our mentor for the Hunger Games.' Peeta explained. 'He was a victor of the fiftieth Games, and was pretty often drunk.'

'I can still remember his reaction to the fact I was pregnant.' Katniss smiled.

'"Sure cooked up a storm this time, haven't you Peeta?"' her father said, imitating their mentor. Katniss laughed.

'What happened to him?' Rue asked.

'Old age. People don't live forever, and Haymitch was one of only three victors of the Hunger Games for District 12.' Katniss said. 'The other two were your father and myself.'

'But you were tributes the same year!'

'We broke the rules of the Games, and forced them to declare us both winners by nearly eating nightlock. It's a poisonous berry.' Peeta said, squeezing Katniss' hand. 'I hope you understand why we didn't tell you about your mother's role in the Games.'

'What about you? What did you do to piss off the Capitol?' Peeta snorted.

'I lived. That, and I was in love with your mother. So much, in fact, that we were known as _the star-crossed lovers of District 12_.'

'During the first Games, it was mainly an act, but it changed for our second Hunger Games. We had to convince everyone that when I saved your father it was love rather than rebellion, otherwise everyone we loved would die. We did a lot of things to save them.'

'But in the end, was it real?'

'Well, we've been happily married for twenty years. Something must have gone right.' Katniss explained.

'How long has it been since...' The hurt faces of her parents stopped her. Rue gasped softly, seeing their expressions. Peeta looked like he was lost, and Katniss simply looked empty.

'It...it wasn't...' Katniss whispered, 'it wasn't right.' She stared at her hands, and Rue was shocked when she started shaking.

'Please, Rue. Don't...don't ask how long it's been.' Peeta told his daughter, who was staring at her mother.

'Peeta!' Katniss gasped, and with a glance from her father, Rue hurried out of the room.

_Katniss' POV_

_Mags hauled herself up, and kissed Finnick. Too fast, she hobbled straight into the fog. Instantly, her body was attacked, and it did a wild dance as she fell to the ground. The ice freezing me broke, and I only managed to take one step towards her before the cannon fired. Her heart had just stopped, and she had just died._

_Rebel medics rushed towards the young children, armed with medical kits. That was when I saw the blonde plait, the duck tail as she took off her coat to cover one who was wailing. I went limp, and ran towards her, screaming her name. Just before I reached her, she saw me, and mouthed my name. Then, the rest of the parachutes exploded, and when I'm awake again, I know Prim is dead._

'Katniss!' I jerk at Peeta's voice.

_'Oh, my dear Ms Everdeen. I thought we agreed not to lie to each other.'_

'Katniss!' Peeta's voice was pleading, and I was ripped out of the memories.

'Peeta?' I asked weakly. He sighed and cupped his face in his hands.

'I thought this had happened. Flashbacks?' I nodded dimly. He reached forward, and I found myself drawn into him. Softly, in my ear he murmurs 'Katniss, they're from a long time ago. I know that won't make them stop, but that world is gone. We both know that, girl on fire.'

'Yeah.' I whisper in reply, and as I cry, he holds me as the memory of the world that used to be rips me apart, slowing dissecting me over hours.

Rue of District 11 dying, the terror of realising if I played the Hunger Games by the rules, I'd have to kill Peeta, keeping up the facade of loving Peeta during the Victory Tour, seeing the riots in the districts, knowing I had to go back into the area for the Quarter Quell and Peeta being nearly killed by the forcefield. Every one of them tore open an old wound, broke my heart again and again. Occasionally a different memory sneaks in. Haymitch's expression when Johanna undressed in the elevator for the Quarter Quell and shooting an apple in a pig's mouth just before the first Games while I was evaluated were two of the precious few I had. The soul-ripping memories slowed, and the tears followed suit.

Eventually, when there was nothing left to give, the painful memories abated, and I stood again. Peeta was by my side, and we walked out of our bedroom, to the dinner table. As my daughter Rue ran to me, asking if I'm okay, I suppressed a bittersweet laugh.

_I've done the best I can. Thousands of people didn't make it through the Mockingjay Revolution. Now, I'm left wondering why I survived, and thinking of the ones who didn't._

'Don't worry, I'm okay.'


End file.
